For many people, Thanksgiving can be fraught with uncomfortable memories.
The holiday may be filled with loneliness more than familial happiness.
Pressure can mount for a great meal or conviviality. It could underscore what’s missing in your life. Thanksgiving can be downright depressing.
A Thanksgiving when we lived in Groton, Connecticut was headed toward the miserable. My husband was out to sea and the toddlers and I had nowhere to go.
Our closest relatives were in Chicago, 1000 miles away. Everyone else lived in California.
With our husband out to sea on the submarine, Mm Navy wife pals went home weekend. That left the three of us alone. The weekend before Thanksgiving self-pity got the best of me and I wondered, “Why doesn’t anyone invite us over for Thanksgiving dinner?”
Then it dawned on me. No one knew we didn’t have a place to go.
No invite?
I volunteered in the church nursery that weekend and before I signed in, I asked the pastor if he would mind making an announcement: “Sea widow and children in need of a Thanksgiving dinner.”
“No one has invited you?” He looked around. “Where’s my wife?”
“It’s okay, you’ve got your family coming. I’m sure someone in the church will have room for us.”
He told me later that when he mentioned the need, four different sets of hands went up in the congregation. “I told them whoever gets to you first can have you over for dinner.”
A sweet couple I barely knew invited us. I felt weak with gratitude and had to blink back tears.
Thanksgiving morning the kids and I drove through empty streets to a rural home, carrying a bottle of California wine and the most elaborate dessert I could create. The couple’s children played with my little boys–ages two and four that year–and I shared stories with the couple and a visiting grandparent. The food was delicious and while I still felt homesick, it didn’t stab as sharp. We had a lovely time and took home leftovers. 🙂
Family history
My husband’s family shook their head when they heard the story. My mother-in-law often invited stray sailors from the Long Beach Navy base for holiday meals. They always had extra people around their Thanksgiving dinner table.
When my husband spent Christmas under the water on his submarine the following year, I took the initiative and invited the boat wives to dinner at our house.
Two women and two children came. I didn’t know them before the day, but I knew them well by the end. My beaming mother-in-law was with us that Christmas.
Sometimes a need isn’t fulfilled because it isn’t known. I try to remember that every year.
If you haven’t gotten an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner, ask yourself if anyone knows you need one. You’d be surprised how many people would be happy to invite you–at least at my church!
Happy Thanksgiving.
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