I have a personal story about a Ruth.
It’s not the Biblical Ruth, it’s about God working conviction in my heart and hers.
It occured when I was a young woman, convinced I knew everything.
I attended a Bible study in Connecticut with a group of women. They were a wise and fun group spanning ages from me with small children to Jo, a great-grandmother.
Most were married with children.
And then there was Ruth.
Glamorous, gorgeous Ruth.
Of whom we knew just a little: boyfriend with two small children, fantastic fashionable red glasses, a job at a local restaurant where she wore a cute uniform.
She also had a far away wise mother whom she quoted often, particularly in tricky Bible passages.
Bible study
We studied Scripture together for a year or so. I saw her at church with the boyfriend’s children. I liked her. A clever woman, she understood the Bible with clear insight.
But one day she referred to her boyfriend and slipped up. No one else caught the remark, but as a former journalist, I realized she lived with him and his children.
I was flabbergasted! (Remember, I thought I knew everything).
I stewed for days. How could Ruth, wise, smart Ruth with the spiritually deep mother not know living with her boyfriend without marriage was sin?
Someone needed to tell her!
I should call the pastor!
She needed to be confronted!
Even as I grumbled, my mind argued.
“Wait. You’ve studied the Bible with Ruth for over a year. You know she’s wise. She must know what she’s doing.”
But she was sinning!
I had to ask myself a hard question: am I the Holy Spirit?
Holy Spirit (Wikipedia)
What should I do?
I decided to pray.
A month later Ruth disappeared.
Dan showed up at church the following Sunday with the children.
They came the next Sunday, and the next. He became a regular.
The Bible study ladies were confused, but someone had heard Ruth went home to her mother.
“Why?”
No one knew.
We continued on, as Bible studies do and another year passed.
Ruth returned!
Ruth showed up one Wednesday.
She wore a wedding band on her finger and a story to tell.
“Once upon a time, my sexuality was the most important part of my life. I didn’t care what the Bible said, I wanted to be free to do whatever I wanted.”
Ruth looked directly at me.
At me!
“If someone had come to me and challenged me about the sin of living with my boyfriend, I would have walked out the door of this church and never returned.”
I knew enough to remain silent and nod in acknowledgment of her words.
“I’d hoped I could convince boyfriend of the importance of coming to church. My mother did not approve of my living with him.”
We all nodded.
“One day I realized I needed to leave, for his sake as well as my own. When he went to work, I packed my things and wrote him a letter. I went home to my mother.”
Ruth’s letter broke her boyfriend. He begged her to come back. She said no.
He started attending church. He told Ruth he’d continue if she came back and he’d marry her.
Ruth decided to wait to see if the change in him was real.
After a year, she decided it was. They’d gotten married the week before her return.
We welcomed her back.
I trembled as I drove home, realizing how close I had come to destroying a work of God in Ruth’s life.
Am I the Holy Spirit?
Of course not.
On that day long ago, God gave me insight into a sin in a respected Christian sister’s life. I see that, now, as having been drafted into God’s prayer army.
Ruth needed me to pray for her–that the Bible she well knew would convict her heart.
She did not need me to judge her.
When God gives us insight into another’s sin, we need to keep our mouths shut and pray.
Conviction is the work of the Holy Spirit. Not me.
How have you handled the shock that someone you know and like is willfully choosing to sin?
That is why you are one of my personal Wise Women. I love you.
xoxo
I had a close Christian friend/relative who chose to live with their future spouse before marriage. It came as a complete shock to me, as this relative had often talked about the wrongs of extra-marital sex. Initially, I was deeply hurt by the betrayal and would have simply withdrawn; but the relative, probably feeling guilty, had already withdrawn before I learned about it. Sadly, the now spouse is not a Christian and it is not the happiest marriage. I feel deep pity for the mess my relative is in, but I am not in a position to do anything but pray and extend love whenever we meet.
We definitely should not be quick to point out another’s sins. On the other hand, there are sins where we do need to interfere – today’s church is riddled with the failures of Christians to stop predators from preying on the young. It is a fine line between giving someone grace and turning a blind eye and a deaf ear. The apostle’s command to be “swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath” would apply in dealing with sin in our fellow Christians. Prayer is essential. After that, we should speak or remain silent as the Spirit of God leads.
Absolutely, Roscuro, that’s why it all has to be led by the Holy Spirit. The church, itself, has a responsibility to preach truth–as do we all. But it does come down to free will. Some of us just need to learn the grace of forgiveness the hard way. 🙁
Thanks for the reminder of grace, praying and extending love–being swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath.
Yeah, what KimH said!
This is a terrific way to describe one of the biggest pitfalls to which a Christian can fall victim. I know I’ve done it.
Thank you, Michelle, for the courage it must have taken to write this.
Michelle, I would agree that most confronting is best done by the Holy Spirit, and certainly, conviction of sin must always be by the HS. In this situation, it appears your keeping quiet was the right thing to do, as your study group was from your church but wasn’t an integral part of it. Ruth realized she’d slipped up, and she was waiting for you–one who also knew scripture–to jump on her case. You didn’t and Ruth knew you cared for her. But she knew she was in the wrong. The conviction of the Spirit must have given her many sleepless nights, until she couldn’t take it anymore. So she left.
But it’s not always right to be silent. The Apostle Paul commanded the Corinthian church (I Cor 5:1-5) to expel a man who had his father’s wife. When the fellowship is at stake, we must protect it from today’s PC climate of tolerance of evil.
As a leader in my church, my pastor and I are going thru a similar situation with a brother. We have not laid down a gauntlet of judgment upon him; he knows we care for him. I’ve exhorted him to “avoid the appearance of evil,” as the reputation of the Body of Christ must not be damaged or “give the enemy an opportunity …”
It seems that the church has great difficulty “speaking the truth in love.” Too often, when believers become aware of wrong relationships in the church, they apply that verse in one of three ways: 1) They ignore it, “not wanting to be hurtful.” As a result, they are neither loving (to bring the person back into right standing before God) nor are they truthful. 2) They appoint themselves as the Holy Spirit’s emissary and come down on the errant with devastating words of judgment. Love becomes the casualty. 3) With prayer and humility (as you suggest), they establish relationship–sensitivity and caring for the person’s restoration while still protecting the fellowship.
I agree with you Samuel; the church needs to be proactive by moving in love through the leading of the Holy spirit. In Ruth’s case, I was a pray-er; I knew her mother was her spiritual authority and she would give her good counsel. Which is exactly what happened. Thanks your reminder of the church’s desire to restore in a loving fashion.
Forgot to mention–I enjoy your blogs and read them when I can. Always interesting and substantive.