How Someone Else’s Wedding Changed Me

We spent the weekend at a beautiful family wedding that exceeded any ceremony I’ve ever witnessed.

Probably a third of the guests were my relatives and the mini-family reunion coupled with a gorgeous bride and handsome groom, with every detail flowing perfectly, made for a terrific celebration.

As we relieved that glorious evening on Facebook and in our stories, I found myself thinking about how special every wedding I’ve attended has been.

Each one involved two people pledging their lives together. We’ve watched two families merging into one. We’ve danced, eaten cake, drunk punch and champagne, toasted, cheered, laughed and cried.

They’re all special and I’m thankful to have been present. I always cry.

I’m not sure I’ll ever attend a wedding so polished and perfect as Briana and Joey’s, but even the most meagre one has blessed me.

And it’s that simple, haphazard and tiny marriage ceremony that ushered me into the full life of an adult Christian.

A simple wedding

Eighteen months or so after the wedding that really changed my life–mine–my young naval officer arrived at his first submarine, then undergoing an overhaul at Mare Island Naval Shipyard.

I was an arrogant 23 year-old, relieved to finally be living somewhere for more than six months and ready to charge into the world with my degree and find a real job.

It didn’t work out that way for me, but I still saw myself as different from the other women in my evening Bible study. I thought I was more intellectual, more refined, really, better than most.

For no reason other than my personal opinion.

And of course, my personal naval officer.

(Sigh. I promise. I’m much better now!)

We attended a Tuesday night Bible study at the Chaplain’s mansion on Captain’s Row. The gathering numbered between 20 and 30 and the Chaplain and his wife served as surrogate parents for the many young people who flowed through the Navy’s enlisted schools on the island, not to  mention the folks attached to subs in overhaul.

I loved the Bible study, filled with singing, teaching and prayer requests. I fit right in, even if my own personal requests differed from that of others.

One night, I learned (please remember, I was a foolish young woman) a plain enlisted woman with chopped-off hair and a poor figure at best had gotten engaged to a strikingly handsome enlisted man with a chiseled chin and slow drawl.

Wow. What did he see in her?

They were planning a wedding and asked for prayer.

It would be small and relatively soon. If they were married, the Navy might station them together when their orders came.

I prayed with everyone else.

A drooping bride

Several weeks went by, more prayers for the wedding, and then I happened to notice the bride-to-be, so radiant at first, was drooping.

It wasn’t a good look on her.

Besides, an engaged woman should be more excited, particularly about the wedding.

God tapped my heart.

So, I approached and asked about her plans. Did she have a dress yet?

She wrung her hands as she explained. She lived in the barracks and needed to sew her dress, but where? “How will I get it done in time?”

Thank God my pride did not quench the Holy Spirit. “Why don’t you come to my house? I’ll help you with it.”

Tears. “Really?”

She came the following Sunday when she had time off, bearing the material, the pattern and her sewing machine. She hadn’t even started and the wedding was two weeks away.

My heart turned over completely. “What do you need me to do?”

“Can you help me cut it out?”

“No, I mean, of course I can, but what do you need me to do to help with the wedding itself?”

Everything.

Start with the dress

That afternoon we cut out the simple dress and we started sewing. I was able to fit it on her, to insure she would look her best for her dashing groom–who would wear his dress uniform.

She took the dress back to the barracks to finish the fine points, hemming and adding bits of lace.

The bride-to-be and the groom-to-be came to dinner the next Sunday. I wrote out a list of all the things they needed me to do for the ceremony the following Saturday.

When his intended left the room, the groom turned to me with tears in his eyes. “I can’t thank you enough. She was so lonely without anyone to help her, you’ve made such a difference to both of us.”

I smiled back. “It’s been a pleasure.”

Of course it had. I’d grown to love her myself.

The chaplain‘s wife brought the cake. Her teenage daughter served as the maid of honor and sole attendant.

I took charge of punch, mints, flowers, coffee and set up the table. The chaplain’s wife, daughter and I decorated a small classroom for the reception.

Fortunately,  St. Peter’s Chapel with its Tiffany stained-glass windows decorated itself.

The chaplain’s wife, daughter and I helped the bride dress. I stood outside the chapel and made sure the bride’s gown and veil were perfect when she walked down the aisle on the arm of the chaplain’s young 10 year-old son.

There were about 20 of us from the Bible study to witness the ceremony.

Afterwards, we toasted with punch, watched the couple open the dozen gifts, and threw bird seed when they hurried out to the borrowed car. They had 36 hours for a honeymoon. They couldn’t miss class Monday morning.

It was a lovely wedding and just as at every wedding I’ve attended, I cried.

For them, yes, but also because I had changed–for the better.

My take-away

The arrogant woman can still be found on bad days, but on that day, such a charming, sweet, simple wedding day, I grew up into my role in the body of Christ.

I’d been a kid before, content to be immature in my attitudes and responsibilities.

That day I learned that even my haphazard abilities can be necessary to the Kingdom of God.

The Lord prompted my heart to ask a simple question. I’m thankful the Holy Spirit made the selfish scales fall from my eyes to see a young woman who wanted to be beautiful for her groom.

On that day, even I could see her radiant and beautiful on the arm of the man she loved.

Thanks be to God.

Tweetables

A plain woman’s wedding changes an arrogant woman’s heart. Click to Tweet

Is every bride beautiful? Why else would I cry at every wedding? Click to Tweet

How God changed an arrogant woman’s heart to help at a wedding. Click to Tweet

 

Speaking of brides, I’ve got two books that concern other historical (albeit fictional) brides: A Pioneer Christmas Collection and The 12 Brides of Christmas!