Today always provokes bitterness in people.
It doesn’t even matter what day it is, bitterness overcomes and erodes who you are.
It’s got a definition: “negative emotion or attitude, similar to being jaded, cynical or otherwise negatively affected by experience.”
That person you’re furious with is imago dei–made in the image of God.
S/he may be behaving badly toward you.
Some inexcusable treatment could have befallen you from their hands.
You may feel completely justified in feeling bitter.
Please don’t give in to bitterness–it will only destroy you and make people around you miserable.
Here are four tips about dealing with bitterness. They’ve helped me.
1 Acknowledge you are bitter.
I didn’t realize I was bitter for many years.
Didn’t everyone hold a grudge when something unpleasant happened to them?
That person deserved to not be forgiven for what they did.
Pretending you are not wallowing in bitterness is not the way to solve the issue.
It’s important to recognize you have decided to be bitter and then do something about it.
2 Pray and ask for forgiveness about the state of your heart
“Forgiveness” by Carlos Latuff. (Wikipedia)
Jesus tells us to “love your neighbor as yourself,” and reminds us of the need to forgive our brothers and sisters in Mark 11:25:
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”
He includes a warning in Matthew 6:15 and 7:2:
“But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
” For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”
The New Testament advises us on bitterness in Ephesians 4:31-32:
” Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
Christians simply cannot afford to not forgive and to not forgive invites bitterness into your life.
Anyone can see it when your words and actions demonstrate cynicism, anger, judgement and condemnation.
I prefer to avoid people like that, myself.
3 Watch out for when you are falling into bitterness
Confession of sin is a daily undertaking at my house–I’m constantly monitoring my attitude and how that’s expressed in my words.
My mind, also, can trick me into “feeding the seed root of bitterness,” and taking me back to a sinful attitude.
This booklet changed my life
The clearest key for me comes from Jim Wilson’s fine booklet How to Be Free from Bitterness (available here as a PDF).
Wilson pointed out that when you rehearse in your mind the insult and your response–or worse, what you might have said differently to really get a zinger in–you’re feeding bitterness into your soul.
I learned that lesson 25 years ago and it’s been invaluable.
Whenever I do that, I catch myself and stop to examine my heart: what’s bothering me?
Usually someone did something for which I’m taking offense.
Maybe I was offended–but it doesn’t matter. Jesus calls me to forgive.
4 Choose grace, mercy and love.
The verses which have come to mind frequently this year point me in that direction:
Micah 6:8 from the Old Testament:
“He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?”
And John 13: 34-35:
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
This has been a gruelling year for many people. Bitterness runs rampant. It’s destroying relationships, social order and people.
Let’s not give in to bitterness if we can help it.
It’s a lot happier to live with grace, mercy and love.
Tweetables
4 tips to deal with bitterness. Click to Tweet
Choosing grace, mercy and love rather than bitterness. Click to Tweet
He has shown us: grace, mercy and love NOT bitterness. Click to Tweet
Great post, Michelle!
If I may, I would add this – strive not to take the counsel of those who would encourage you to bitterness.
In my circumstances, there are some very good Christians who can’t believe I am not bitter…and who will challenge my resolve to accept that which ‘is’. I’m not sure why they do this. Part of it is pity; they are genuinely angry and bitter at having to see my decline.
But I wonder – is part of it the sight of a state of mind they feel they cannot match? Is this a kind of competition?
As things go from worse to ‘even worse’, I don’t cry out to God, neither in despair nor anger. I just get on with that which I can still do.
There’s no room nor need for bitterness there. The rain falls on the just and the unjust alike. I am a mixture of the two; how can I expect, much less demand special treatment or pleading?
http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2016/11/your-dying-spouse-229-what-kind-of.html
Excellent point, Andrew, as always. Bitter people don’t make it comfortable for everyone else. If they can’t be helped . . . I let them go, too. Best to you, as always.